Back in Babyland

Can you tell I have been busy with a baby with how little I have posted? My goodness! Babyland is alot of work. I COMPLETELY forgot! It seems almost foreign to me, to a certain extent. I feel like a first time mom all over again. It is s bit different just because I have done it before and there is an aspect of it that is similar to riding a bike. Even if you haven't done it in awhile you can just hop on and ride away. So.....I don't have the totally blank stare that you see on first time moms where you know there are feeling so lost with what to do. But....I do have the, oh my gosh, did I REALLY do this 4 times before, every 2 years, and not lose my mind? Or maybe I did and I just think I didn't because every mother who has children loses her mind, so in reality we think we are normal but really aren't?

Anyway, to say the least, life has been a bit overwhelming for me. Of course, more emotional issues have arisen. The first month seemed like the BIGGEST emotional roller coaster I have been on in awhile. Lots of unexpected twists and turns, up and downs. My poor husband and kids. I was laughing one minute while crying the next. It was always FUN for me though to figure out what was going on, why I was feeling that way, and get honest. As you all know, I'm a bit weird that it is so exciting for me to delve into my own psyche and feelings and get as clear as possible. I feel renewed and refreshed when all is said and done. I can DEFINITELY see the difference of the release each time and my family has said they can too!

I was trying to decide if I should share how hard it's been. I don't want to complain or even add more to it than it really is. The interesting part of the situation is that even though I can look outside myself and see that it is challenging, I can also see that I am dealing with it so much better than I would have in the past. I have been grateful that this has been the case. I am even more grateful though that I can see it and be grateful for it.

Oh, I wanted to let everyone know (well those of you who read my blog) that I am starting up nutritional counseling, energy work and pipe ceremonies. I haven't seen people for awhile just because of the craziness of our lives. But I have been feeling "called" again to actively help those who might want or need it. I can do phone consults too! So for those interested, please email rachel@livingmom.net. Also, I have some exciting things in the works in regards to my website and maybe some AMAZING superfoods that will be available to all! Keep checking back to, hopefully soon, see the new and improved site along with some NEW and EXCITING stuff!


My diet has gotten much stricter over the last few weeks. Mabel showed up with thrush about 3 weeks ago. I believe that as sweet little babies do.....she has decided to help carry my resentment for me. I have prayed about this with her and held some good pipe ceremonies with my husband. It is now MUCH better than it originally was. I jumped onto my 80/10/10 diet which I tend to feel the BEST on. So my fat intake has been lower than it was when I was pregnant. Not much though. It is now almost gone. I eat fruit all day long with a raw veggie seaweed role for dinner. SO DELICIOUS!

So... 1 week after Mabel's birth, I was back in my prepregnancy clothes. That was AMAZING to me! It has been such a blessing to not have to worry about trying to lose weight. I gained 60 lbs. in one of my pregnancies and I remember just feeling so saddened by the amount of weight I wanted and needed to lose. I was going to take pictures and post them but really you can just look at any other pictures on my site and that's what I look like. I must add here that I absolutely cherish not wearing a bra. I know that is a totally random thought but I have worn one only a handful of times since she's been born. SO LOVING IT!! I say all woman should go without bras. I don't know if it's true or not but, hands down, a man made up a bra.....not a woman.

All done for today. Love you all!! I will post again soon. Hopefully, sooner than this last time.

Peace to all,
Rachel

Mabel Carroll's Birth Story:Part 2

My labor actually started Friday morning, June 27th. The night before I noticed the contractions were stronger than usual but that didn't seem strange since over the past couple of weeks they had changed from braxton hicks to stronger and stronger "real" contractions. By Friday morning when they still seemed somewhat consistent, it seemed my labor would be typical of all of my other births. With the stronger contractions from the night before, by morning I thought I would probably have the baby that night.

So....Friday day, we went and hung out at my sister in law Yulia's house and the contractions were getting stronger and stronger. By late afternoon, we were pretty sure I was really in labor. You must know that with each labor I go through the same "acceptance and denial" routine. I spend the day trying to decide if I am really in labor while going through the whole emotional gamete of feelings that arise as I realize I am. I call my husband crying when I clue in that I am, in fact, in labor and then I repeat the same scernio all over again when I call my midwife to tell her. It's actually quite funny when I look back on it after it's all said and done. It was actually really FUN to be at Yulia's house while in labor because she was SO EXCITED for me to be having the baby. It made it easier to get excited about it too! Thanks Yulia! I LOVE YOU!

By late afternoon, I knew this had to be real and prepared for her to be born the same as my other kids which was around midnight that night. So Chris called my mother in law, Louise to come and pick up the kids. Chris and I had plans to go out with some friends. We kept them just because I refused to sit around thinking about being in labor when my contractions were still not bad enough that I had to fully focus on them. With my previous births, by 8 or 9 at night, I am in strong active labor and the babies are born by 11 or 12. But by 8 or 9 Friday night, my contractions were still coming but had fizzled quite a bit.

The dinner was nice. We went and ate at one of my favorite places. It's a Greek place in Orem and they have DELICIOUS Greek salads. I just get it with no cheese. As we sat in the restaurant Chris kept asking me if I was still having contractions which I was, they were just not as strong as they had been a couple hours before. I was thinking "What if I am wrong? What if this is "false labor?" I have NEVER had "false" labor before so I thought it was weird that I was SO off about this one. At least, they were still coming and they weren't bad at all.

We came back home around 10 pm and my kids were SO ECSTATIC to think we were going to have the baby soon. We decided to go on a family walk since I still couldn't sit and just relax and didn't really want too! We came home and just sat and watched TV. Then I laid in bed and played solitaire until about 1 am. Sure enough, as soon as I put my head on the pillow to sleep my contractions picked up again. They proceeded to come every 10 or so minutes the whole night. (which actually wasn't that bad because luckily with 4 other kids and busy life I could still sleep in between just fine) Until around 9 am, I woke Chris to rub my back because I was having VERY powerful back labor. (For those out there who have had it, you know the JOY of back labor) I remember having this with my first and with my 2nd, 3rd and 4th realizing how much easier birth can be without it. It was somewhat disheartening to me to recognize that I was having it again with this one.

Soon after waking Chris to rub my back, I remember with each contraction thinking "We should probably call Cathy and let her know what is going on." But when the contraction was over I would think "No, these aren't that bad." It was really funny because the contractions were about 5 minutes apart (mind you, we never timed them....I'm just guessing) at this point, and the contractions were pretty dang strong but when they were done I kept deciding they weren't that bad but during them...WHOA....I knew I was going to be having the baby soon. Finally Chris said "Yeah, you should call Cathy" so I did. While waiting for Cathy to come to put the tub together and got that all ready for when the time comes that I want to get in the water.

We called her around 10 and she showed up about 11 am. Now I have posted that I really wanted to try an unassisted birth. Chris was supportive of it but was having a hard time with the whole idea just because he felt he would then be responsible if anything were to happen. This stressed him out.....BIG TIME! We talked about it and I COMPLETELY understood. Cathy had already contacted me when I was first pregnant requesting that she would LOVE to come to my birth. We had been to all the others and so I knew it was exciting for her to participate in another one. I thought it was so sweet how much she wanted to be there and help out. Looking back now, Chris and I are SO THANKFUL she was there. We feel it was Divine Intervention that we chose to have her come. She was such a BLESSING at the birth and while in labor, I remembered once again why I LOVED her as a midwife, friend and maternal figure at birth. So....if you ever read my blog Cathy.....THANK YOU!! We LOVE you!

When Cathy got to our house, I told her I had tried to check myself but couldn't even find my cervix because it was too far back. She offered to check me and I was 5 cm. By this time the contractions were coming very regular and strong. My kids wanted eggs for breakfast so I decided I wanted to make them. Chris was laughing at me because I couldn't or wouldn't sit down (I think mostly because of the intense back labor sitting down felt VERY uncomfortable) While making the eggs, I would somewhat squat by the stove with each contraction and then stand up again to finish the eggs when it was over. After that, Chris and I went and sat outside in the sun. I wanted the sun beating down on me. I was kind of cold and I just had this strong feeling that I wanted to be outside as long as I could. It felt really good to me for some reason. We were going to go on a walk but as soon as I started walking I would have to hang on Chris or squat so we really didn't get anywhere.

By 12:30 pm, I could tell I was feeling a bit "pushy." I checked myself and was fully dilated. I could tell my cervix was still quite posterior which was probably the reason for the back pain. While checking I felt something I had NEVER felt before when checking a woman. It felt like a sweater over the top of the babies head. Normally, I would call that an anterior lip but it really wasn't a "lip" which is usually thicker and feels like a lip. This was just a thin piece of tissue holding up the babies head EVERY time I had a contraction. It covered about 1/2 of the babies head. So when I pushed, it was unproductive as the head was just putting pressure on that tissue and the baby wouldn't really move down until we could get that tissue moved out of the way.

At this point, I decided I wanted the tub. I got in and Cathy and I discussed that I should try holding that tissue back with each contraction. I did and talk about SEVERE back pain. This went on for several contractions until I was having a hard time doing it myself. I then proceeded to get out of the tub and get into a knees to chest position so we could take some of the pressure of the babies head off of the cervix. Let me tell you, this is the WORST position to have pushing contractions in, on top of having your cervix held back. You are working against gravity. NOT FUN!! I was a bit concerned because we could get it to stay back during a contraction but then when it was over, the tissue would just move right back over the babies head.

We held back the cervix and tried different positions for the next 1/2 an hour until I wanted to get back in the water and hold it myself again. Within a couple of contractions after getting in the water, I felt the tissue stay back after a contraction. I finally felt a bulging bag of waters coming out from the babies head. YEAH!! I could push and get the baby OUT!! HALLELUJAH! I broke my own waters and then felt as the baby came down. I don't remember pushing this hard with any of my other children. Well, maybe my first. I had heard others say that there is a big difference in the pain factor when pushing out a 8 lb. baby as compared to a 6 lb. baby. I DID NOT find that to be the case in my situation, I am sorry to say.

Cathy was holding my hands and pulling against me while I was squatting in the tub pushing her out. I am usually quit vocal at this point but I think this is the LOUDEST I have ever been. I have seen so many of my clients stay so quiet and I just don't know how they do it. Everyone is so different when it comes to giving birth. The interesting part, that Chris pointed out to me after, not one swear word came out of my mouth.

As I was pushing Cathy was asking me what I was feeling because I checked and feeling the babies head descending the whole time. The last time she asked I told her I felt burning. She said "Oh good!!" I thought that was really cute! As soon as her head was out, my kids ran over to the tub to see it and were oooooing and ahhhhing over it. With the next contraction, I grabbed up Mabel and pulled her up to my chest. She did have a nuchal and chest cord. We quickly unwrapped it to then listen to her WONDERFUL scream. I have never cried after the birth of my children. I have been at many births where I have cried after someone else's birth but this was my first child where I sobbed just to see her BEAUTIFUL, healthy face. I was so GRATEFUL that all was well and we had been SO IMMENSELY BLESSED!!

As many of you already know, Chris was so anxious about us having a girl. A few days before the birth, he was in a severe depression because he had come to the conclusion it was going to be a boy. So it was HYSTERICALLY funny when within one second of birth, I heard Chris (who was sitting behind me) say, "Praise God, it's a girl." Now mind you, I have NEVER heard him say praise God before so that made the situation even FUNNIER!! He wasn't looking at how cute she was or if she was ok. The minute she was born this eyes only focused on the area that would show him whether or not he was having a daughter or a son. SO PRECIOUS!!

Chris was AMAZING during the whole process. He was supportive and LOVING rubbing my back and just being physically and emotionally supportive. My kids were all there to see their little sister born. They thought it was the COOLEST thing they had ever seen. The birth had been a bit intense toward the end trying to deal with the "lip" and all. Chris was so great to explain everything to them as it was happening so they were reassured that all was well. I could tell that since they could see Daddy wasn't stressed there was no need for them to be stressed either. They sat intently and quietly for an hour and an half waiting for her to be born. I was in complete AWE of my children and how grown up and mature they acted during the whole process. It made the experience so much more to have them there.

All in all, even with how hard it felt at the end, it was a WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL birth and the gift we received at the end was COMPLETELY worth it. She is the SWEETEST baby EVER!! We are all so HAPPY she is here and part of our family. As you can imagine, Chris is ECSTATIC to have a girl. He loves and caresses on her when he gets the chance. Hope you all like the pictures. Thanks for all the prayers that have been sent our way. With how stressful life has been with Johnny, our move etc., we couldn't top of the end with anything better than MAGNIFICENT Mabel.

Mabel Carroll Talley

Born: June 28th, 2008

Time: 1:48 pm

Weight: 6 lbs. 4 ozs.

Length: 18 1/2 in.

Abundant peace to all,

Rachel

Part 1 1/2

In the hopes of getting everyone even more excited to hear my birth story, I decided to create a bit more anticipation. I want to share a bit about my Full Moon Ceremony/Native American Blessingway first. I wish I had been on the ball enough to actually take a camera and take pictures but to no avail, once again, I came unprepared to do so. I do have some pictures of a few of the things that we did but none of who came. So sorry.

It was an AMAZING, UPLIFTING, SPIRITUAL night for me. I so needed to bond with other woman on the night of the full moon and just share and bask in our womanhood and the upcoming birth of my little girl.

I started out the night by showing a little clip discussing what conscious birth is, from the movie "Birth As We Know It." I did that in order to help others understand what I had planned for this pregnancy and birth. Most of the woman there already understood the concept and were so open to the new ideas and feelings that came along with it. After showing the clip, I broke into tears just about how grateful I was that all my friends were there and were open to letting the evening envelope them and truly connect with each other.

We then proceeded to walk upstairs and eat the DELICIOUS and NUTRITIOUS raw food we had made. We had made a BEAUTIFUL salad with a tahini/parsley/garlic dressing, since I had been craving tahini at the time. We did also provide food for the people who had a more expanded diet. We had hummus with WW tortillas and some DECADENT desserts my sister in law Yulia made. They were so ELEGANT! No one could even believe they were raw! While everyone was eating, I explained to them why I had requested they bring the charms to put on a necklace. I asked them to write intentions/prayers for my birth and then explain them to me while giving me the charm. OH MY GOODNESS!! This part of the ceremony was just a spiritual experience for me. I just couldn't believe how much thought and love everyone had put into their prayer and charm. Here is an example of one of the intentions I received:

"My intention for your birth is that you be keenly aware of the love our Heavenly Mother has for you. That you might perceive and recognize her in the substance of your dreams and the natural flowing of your thoughts and intuitions. By recognizing her within yourself, you will more easily trust your preferences, natural inclinations, and spiritual leanings. This is the Divine Feminine within you!

The charm I chose is because of it's earthly substance. Your spirit will tap into the divine through your Spirit self and by the substance of this charm you will apply that divine council in grounded and practical ways throughout the process of your birth and thereafter."

WOW!! Can you believe it? So AMAZING! Also, as everyone was eating and such I asked that each woman would be prayerful and draw on my belly cast what inspired them. Each woman was prayerful about it and my belly cast permeates love and peace.

After eating and such, a friend of mine played a melody she had written with her guitar. It spoke of the Divine Feminine in all of us and was so touching it brought most of us to tears. We all then went back downstairs to watch another clip of an actual birth where the woman was fully aware and present throughout the whole process. Again, each of us were brought to tears by the profound sense of our own existence.

Lastly, we ended the night with a pipe ceremony where my friend Shauna said a prayer for my birth and thereafter. Another friend sang again for us and we all spent the next hour relishing in each other's thoughts and feelings about life and the awe of it all.

As everyone was leaving, I passed out tea candles with affirming, positive words for them to light when they got the call I was in labor. We created a calling circle where one of my friend's called everyone to let them know I was in labor and to light their candles. I just talked to a friend on the phone who had been out of town when she got the call. It was her birthday and she was feeling quite alone. She said it made her day to light her "ecstasy" candle and know that I was having my baby on her birthday. How FUN is that?

I feel so blessed to have had the opportunity to celebrate and have this ceremony with so many INSPIRING woman. I couldn't have asked for a better experience. It exceeded what I even expected. Thank you, my dear friends. I learned so much from you all that night and truly believe that my birth turned out to be such a GIVING, LOVING experience because of that night and your thoughts and prayers.

I will do my best to post my birth in the next few days. I have been dealing with a breast infection for the last couple of days. It was only REALLY bad yesterday but today seems to be MUCH better. I think it's the fever part that is so AWFUL!! I just hardly EVER get sick or have anything where I feel bad so I had forgotten what that feels like. But....once again, I was grateful for the experience. I got to look hard at myself and why I was wanted to create that kind of discomfort. Chris was AWESOME through the whole thing yesterday. He stayed home with me and helped me get through it. I sure LOVE and APPRECIATE him. I need to do it more!!

I am dealing with more emotional stuff right now. I wasn't quite ready for Mabel to come. She was a bit early, earlier than all my other kids and because life has been so crazy I think I wasn't emotionally prepared for her birth. It has been a bit of an adjustment. I have felt REALLY grateful that my sister Kim came out to stay with me. She has been SUCH a help. I don't know what I would without her right now. But....I am still trying to process all these feelings of going back to "babyland" and nursing and changing diapers and so on and so forth. I knew before she was born that I was having these feelings but, of course, they are much more apparent now that she is born. Does anyone have thoughts on this? Are there others out there who have also felt this way? I kind of feel like a first time Mom all over again. It's really WEIRD!! I would LOVE to hear others adjustments and how they dealt emotionally with such a HUGE change.

Thanks for listening all of you! Well, those who read my blog. LOL!! I will share more about my feelings and the birth very soon so check back!!

Abundant peace,

Rachel